I had an ultrasound of my heart today to determine if it's tough enough for chemotherapy. I don't know how tough it has to be, but it sure doesn't feel tough to me right now. I am actually not used to spending so much time thinking about myself. Most of the time, it's the last thing I think about. But that was because I thought everything was in good working order!
Now, that I realize it's not, suddenly I'm wondering what ELSE is wrong with me.
That may be natural. Or it may be slightly hypochondriatic (I just made that word up, by the way. It has a nice ring to it, even though I really don't wish to be identified as such!)
I don't shrug off my aches and pains like I did a few short months ago. And I really don't like that I don't shrug them off. Because I think that makes me weaker than I want to be, or more importantly, than I expected I was. It's easy to think you're strong when you haven't had a lot of crap thrown your way.
In reality, I have had a pretty uneventful, easy existence. Yeah, I wear glasses. Yeah, I have heartburn once in awhile. But not having any kind of surgery until you are 50 years old is kind of unusual, I guess. I could have easily been happy with another 20 years but I really can't complain, even if I still do.
So, even though my dad will not get his birthday card on time, it's not because I wasn't thinking about him often.
The real problem is that I just couldn't seem to remember to put stamps on the darn thing so I could mail it!
Happy birthday, Dad!